IN SEARCH OF MY FATHER , I FOUND CHRIST.

Jn 2:2
In my great trouble I cried to the Lord and he answered me,from the depths of death I called,and Lord,you heard me!

-------- As I got older I began to exam my life and wonder,

How did my life get so out of control?
Why was I so angry?
Why was I so angry at God?
why was I addicted to sex?
Who was I and why was I created?
Why was I drinking to get drunk?
Why was I so addicted and compulsive?
Why was I such an extremist?
Why was I making wrong decisions?
Why was I so reckless?
Why was I so rebellious?
Why did I desire to do right, but
always made the wrong decisions?
what was the stronghold that
was controlling me?
What happened to my joy?

Some days the battle in my spirit was so fierce I felt like there were two personalities within me battling.It was as if two sword fighters were going at it.Many days I searched for answers as to what was happening to me, but always seemed to come to a dead end.

In Search of my Father,I found Christ is the true story of a boy now man whose childhood began in Kenya.A boy whose childhood had an outer appearance of being normal and happy.
His mother tries to save him and his siblings by escaping to America,where her son grows up into a seemingly normal man, but is tormented by his childhood and becomes an alcoholic and a notorious womanizer.

He writes and shares his story not to glorify his actions or to blame, but to show the endless grace and mercy of God in spite of the mess he got himself into.

There are days I sit alone in awe, as I reflect over my life and see how many times the Lord sheltered me from harm.I am truly humbled.

One day as I was reflecting over my life I found myself roaming into the past, memories of childhood excitement.
I remember it like it was yesterday playing outside, as the day turned to night, mother began calling just as the sun began setting, "kids its time to come in the house." As children, that very moment when mother called seemed to be the climax of our play time, and no child wanted to stop playing.
Many children try to prolong their play time.As the darkness deepens, the street lights come on. Some work and some are burnt out while others blink on and off, giving just enough light to see your immediate surroundings.
Mother keeps calling, "Children its time to come in the house".
As the darkness intensifies, the call from mother begins to sound desperate "I said it's time to come in the house".

The innocent child continues to play not realizing that the dark of night brings out different player's beasts of the night and Predators come out to hunt.No longer is it innocent games of hide and seek, or cowboys and Indian's. The rules of darkness are different.
Come into the house children where there is light; come into the house children for your safety,until the dark of night passes.
Like mother calling her children out of darkness, there comes a point in life when everybody gets that call, only this time it is from God.
Come in from the dark my sons and daughters. Many times I remember getting that call, that inner voice followed me every where I went.
I was not ready.I still desired to play in the dark in spite of the possible dangers.
This time I stayed out too long and got lost, I found myself bound by the pleasures and addictions of darkness.
After a while the pain of abusing my body, mind and spirit became unbearable.Father where are you? I cried out desperately, but there was no answer."I am ready to come in from the dark". Still there was no answer. I was alone and scared,I was exhausted hungry and thirsty.The only drink darkness offered to quench my thirst was alcohol,the food was poison.

Believing that God had abandoned me, believing that my sins were too great.I drank even more alcohol in an attempt to numb the pain and drown the inner voices. I embraced a reckless lifestyle and used sex as a pain killer.I lived on the edge and engaged in the fast night life. Days,weeks,months went by my lifestyle seemed to get increasingly worse.One day Without warning I got an unexpected guest,"Depression". Depression wanted a peace of me too; depression bound and isolated me.Depression had a hellish grip it was controlling,selfish,manipulating,unforgiving,it devoured me by sinking its claws deep into my mind,body,spirit and soul.I was suffocating spiritually. Physically I looked and seemed well but spiritually I was bound,torn and critically wounded.I was in excruciating pain.I some days looked at myself in the mirror to see if I was bleeding on the outside but could not see the wounds or the eventual scarring.

I cried out to God,

"Why have you abandoned me"?
"Why did you create me to suffer"?
"If I am your child why don't you help me"?
"Why must I carry the sins of my father"?
"You created me this way,why"?
"What kind of God are you"? Still only silence.

I cried out desperately not remembering the countless calls from God to come to him and leave the deeds of darkness.Many times these calls were gentle whispers that I often tried to silence by drinking more and more alcohol.
On April 5th 2002 after trying to fight off the torment of depression, over powered and defeated I finally gave into the demands of depression.
I made one more desperate cry out to God,

"FATHER FORGIVE ME FOR I AM A SINNER, FORGIVE
ME FOR NOT HAVING THE STRENGTH TO CONTINUE".

Shortly after I closed my eyes I could not fight any more this was the end.I put the pedal to the floor and drove into the arms of death.By this time I felt no fear of physical pain.The spiritual pain seemed unbearable.Upon impact I recall a loud BANG!!!!,I felt the wind knocked out of me. Shortly after, I heard a voice whisper "IT IS OVER." I sighed from relief as well as exhaustion then felt a heavenly peace,it felt like I had come out of battle.Shortly after I fell into a deep sleep thats what it felt like,the best rest I had in a long time.However medically it is termed a comma------- To be continued.

My life has not been the same since that day.
On seeing the extent of my injuries, the doctors concluded that I would more than likely, not make it out of surgery and that if I were to survive the surgery, I certainly would not walk again due to spinal injury, but God obviously had the last word!

I had sustained a crushed right leg; cracked left knee; torn aorta; broken ribs; broken nose; broken left arm, collapsed lung and a series of cuts and bruises. Not only did I survive the surgery, I am 100% fully recovered today. All praise be to God.I live a purposeful life now.I share my story, hoping to encourage and inspire others who might be embarking on a similar path.

Do not fall for the deception that your sins are too great or its too late to be forgiven.God is so merciful more than we know, his ways are certainly not like our ways.

Remember life is worth living, God is no respecter of persons. As he has forgiven and healed me, so will He forgive and heal you too if you ask. There is no sin too great for God to forgive, there is no pain or wound too deep for Him to heal.

NOW I UNDERSTAND SALVATION.

In him you will find peace love and Joy.

In an attempt to understand some of my actions and decisions I had to revisit my past, my foundation, my childhood, and work my way forward.Reflecting on my inner self as well as facing my past, has been a very challenging, and often heart-rending undertaking.

I write for my children,and my children's,children and the millions of children, men and women who continue to struggle to stay alive.

I NEVER KNEW HE WAS ALL I NEEDED UNTIL HE WAS ALL I HAD.

RECEIVE SALVATION !!!!!!!!!!

As it was once said to me "you have tried everything else why not try Jesus, after all what do you have to lose?

The Bible tells us that your eternal salvation is secure! "that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." (Romans 10:9)

Pray now
Father forgive me for my sins,I confess with my mouth that Jesus died on the cross to pay the price for my sins.I believe in my heart that on the third day Jesus was raised from the dead.
Please wash me clean from all sin, shame, and guilt, come into my life Jesus to be my Lord and Savior.Govern my life and order my foot steps from this day forward.I Pray this prayer in JESUS name

Amen!

If you have Prayed this prayer CONGRATULATIONS!
Welcome to the large Christian family.Almost instantly you will feel a peace, by means of the Holy Spirit God will communicate with you in a Devine way.
The same Spirit of God will send Christians to guide you along the way.No matter what your present circumstance is have no fear and be anxious for nothing the LORD is with you at this very moment.I pray that God touchs you in a mighty way and heals your every wound.

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